saturday hey

today i ran around the city like a chicken with my head cut off. i walked so much that my feet actually feel more muscular, and it is bitter cold out.hung with new friend girl, she is cool. i want a job, she could hook me up, but i don't think she necessarily will. she wants to, but she acted weird about it later on in the day.... great! now i can stay at big bowl and be even more miserable.then i hung with steven. went to a play and had dinner, sushi actually. the play was dumb. overly artsy fartsy-conscious and pretensious. the drama people tried too hard with this one. then again i hate plays. i hate live acting. i pretended to be amused (in order to be polite) even though the end turned out exactly how i predicted it would, and i hate that. he went to a party afterwards, and i said my farewells. i was bored of all the drama.now i am at home with my roommate and her cousins, watching "the devil's advocate," wishing i had something better to do, like go to a club and meet some funky spunk, but lets leave it at that. i DON'T want you following me home.

i'm a wanted woman

i am so sick of cranky people. they are making me cranky. because of all the negativity i am surrounded by, i am being very cynical lately. well, that and the pms :)today i worked, was very cranky at work (again-- i am sorry to anyone i have offended).... and that was that. after i left work, i checked my phone to see that many of my male friends had called me today. i felt very popular for a few minutes, then after my ego "de-blossomed," i called back everyone, even though i hate calling people. and guess what? i still have no plans tonight. fucking hurray.well, one phone conversation was rather jolting. this old friend, david, i have known him for 10 long years-- i have mentioned him before in one of my earlier entries, the one whom i shortly dated years and years ago and who now lives in D.C., called. i had a horrible visit with him in D.C., and i vowed to never deal with him again on any basis that consisted of anything beyond an hour-long conversation. this was not because i am intolerant and aloof, but more so because he is revolting in a wussy pussy sort of way. well, needless to say, i have a newfound respect for him. why? well, the day my grandma was dying, i didn't know who to call. but i needed to talk to someone, and he was the only person i could think of for 2 reasons. reason 1: he lost his grandma recently, and she was his best friend so i knew he would be sensitive to me. reason 2: i can cry in front of him only because i have known him for 10 years. there are many people whom i suppose i could talk to about my grandma, but i will NOT cry in front of people. but this is a friend i have known for almost half my life. so he was there for me, and he really listened. so now he is no longer a pussy wussy. he is just a difficult turd. he called today, was real sincere on the phone, and very personal, not cocky like he usually is. it's a shame that deaths in families is the only thing that makes people nicer these days. well, the jolter about his call was that he told me how much he misses me. i said thanks, but did not return the mushy line until the disturbing silence on the other end of the line signified that i was being pressured to say something mutual. i, to be totally honest, do not have any desire to see him anytime soon, but why not? i have nothing better to do. my weeks consist of meaningless work, repetitive chopstick folding, and going out with friends to clubs where weird men harass me. so i finally gave in to his mushiness and invited him to chicago for a visit. he got real excited and said he will be here in mid april. now what the fuck am i getting myself into? what the fuck am i gonna do with him for 3 days? i don't like anyone that much to spend 3 days in a row with them (except for my dad). he hates clubs. i love clubs. he hates dancing. i love dancing. he hates walking fast. i don't know how not to walk fast. he is very lazy miami. and although i grew up in miami, i am very pissy boston. whew, he and i are day and night. that is why it is tough being around him in any way other than in small doses.tomorrow i hang with a girl who works for chicago tribune. i am gonna try to see if there are any job openings there, she tells me there are. i gotta say peace out to big bowl before i wind up bitch slapping the manager. then i might chill with amy (my best friend) and liz (from work, awesome girl). this new girl, from the tribune, seems very nice. i think she is lonely. i want to help her get out more. she goes to depaul and says she sits on her couch a lot. i told her i sit on my couch a lot too, but i still get out a lot. this girl needs to get wild. i am bored. and uninterested. and uninteresting.

not to be an ass, but....

well, i hate to be mean, but some people on here are so pretentious. i was cruising through random people's entries, people NOT on my friends list so it was none of you guys, and some people try so fucking hard to sound so cool, so suave, so different, so unusual.... it's so fucking melodramatic. just be yourself, stop trying to make people think you are so "out there".... because you are not. you are a little shit who probably gets a free ride everywhere you go, and your mommy probably still breast feeds you.... so please, shut the fuck up.on another note, i went out last night. it was my friend's birthday, i ended up getting her a gift certificate, those are safe. (i hate when people think they an pick out good gifts when they cannot so gift certificates are safe.) we had a big ass dinner, then went to level/domain and then to chromium. one hottie asked me to dance, well he basically tried to coerce me, but i said no because the other girls were not dancing with anyone yet. but i should have said yes, he was cute. i just don't care either way. but the night was super cool, and the only thing that gets frustrating is when pig men harass you. i really don't like men right now. i just am so bored.i need to find a new job, i hate big bowl management and i don't like this lettuce entertain you bullshiiiiiiiit.my roommate asked me for advice today after we both woke up at like 1:30 in the afternoon. we ended up chatting away and laughing for like 2 hours. how odd, we are now all chummy all the sudden. that's good, rather kick her out on a good note then on a bad one.i think i am addicted to vodka.

I ...

I am proud to have a huge ego.... very, very proud.

don't fuck with me

i think i am in a great mood, mmmhhhhmmmmm. i want some alcohol in my system, but i have to work in the morning, and i need some rest, was up till 6 in the morning last night, talking with a friend.tomorrow is a new friend's birthday night, and she only wants girls night out and only a select few females are invited. i am one of the lucky stars. i am so special. and i am so lovable. mmmhhhhmmmmm. i want to get her a gift, but i am just getting to know her so i don't know what she would want. i think i starved myself today by mistake....i wish i liked girls because boys are so boring.i wonder how tough i really am. if i could kick some bitch's ass. someone, and i won't say who, needs a few knocks on her face....what a fucker.my job is having a bowling party sunday night, and i think that is so cute. people have been asking me if i am going, and i say no. too shy to bowl, for i suck at such a sport as this. but i should go.... i like my co-workers.....one of my managers gave me the biggest bear hug today because i lost my grandma. i almost wanted to cry, it was so sweet. i love big bear hugs. i need a hug! really i just need some sleep. oh, my roommate and i are on good terms. i think that now we are okay and since we got her off the lease so a "big relief washes over me, in an awesome wave." i love bret easton ellis, best writer of all time next to Hemingway.

so...

sorry i am so sad, just missing my grandma....

i wish i liked you....

i really wish i was interested in someone, but unfortunately, i am definitely not.... i just think people are cute and that is the extent to my curiosity. i am too lazy to like someone and far too disgusted with men to spend all the time and energy that liking someone entails. i had a good time at work today. worked with alex, and i like her. she knows how to laugh, and that is what makes it all the better to actually keep working at that fucking dump. man, i am selling myself short. way too fucking short. i am 23 and a college graduate who had honors GPA and i could do anything if i tried, but i work as a hostess at a fucking dump where i am treated like a fucking bimbo. but i love my co-workers. many of them are great. i still need to quit and find a more genuine job. i feel like a fuck-up every time i work. and my boss won't let me serve there. she is not as cool as people like to think she is. she lied to me anyway, i was supposed to get a raise and she won't give me one anymore. i could care less, really. after i take these 2 classes and audit them, i will update my resume, move to new york, and find a better job where they recognize my talents. and i will never host again, and i will never pretend to care again when i don't care at all.i have no motivation to be the aggressor. it simply is not me. scary people want to corrupt me. they won't succeed. i am a baby girl. just a rotten one....