i just ate...

i just ate one too many flavored tootsie candies. now i feel like a multi-flavored vomit bag. only i can't seem to vomit. so maybe i am just multi-flavored. hmmmmm. not bad....well, today i finally finished cleaning my way too small apartment, which is GOOD, but the PATHETIC thing is, it took me 5 days to clean the entire apartment. i am so lazy, i cannot clean more then 1 room per day. and i have to skip one day in between each cleaning day, so, in conclusion, it takes me 5 days to clean 3 rooms, therefore, i AM a loser.then i decided i needed to get my new love interest home: granola. yes, i am in deep, passionate love with granola now. but on my way to get my lover, i ran into a cool clothing shop across the street from my apartment, and the nicest, finest looking shirt in the display window caught my eye. it was love at first sight, and instead of saving 30 bucks for my night out tonight, i yanked the shirt on my back. when i realized i had less money than i thought as i paid the 30 bucks at the register, i could really see that i would have very little money left for tonight, but i still didn't care. i just don't care enough about anything or anyone besides myself. sorry.when i got home and greedily slammed the granola and tootsie candies in my mouth, i pondered some more about it, and decided i just may not end up going out tonight after all. even though my new mint-green lace shirt would look hot for a night out on the town, i just don't feel like showering or doing my hair, or really much of anything. it IS my friend's birthday, and i missed his birthday last year too, so i really SHOULD go, but i dunno if i want to. i did, after all, take his photographs the other week, and he told me how wonderful they turned out, how his friends and professor thought they were amazing, and i was quite flattered, BUT when i asked to have copies since i was the one who designed and took the pictures, he said okay, and of course as usual forgets to bring them to me yesterday. i could really use those motherfuckers for my portfolio.... fuck.why is everyone in my way of being successful? i am sick of you!

i don't kno...

i don't know what to do tonight.... i am too lazy to pick up my phone and call anyone, not to mention i don't like calling people in general anyway.i went out last night, went to 2 clubs, both clubs were eh. but some guy who was okay looking wants to take me out to ice cream tomorrow. i doubt that will happen, i just find his laugh a little unnerving.... i thought i gave him a fake number, but i was too high and drunk to think clearly so it seems i gave him a real number, as he called me already today, early. this new trend with men calling the day after they meet you, in the MORNING especially, is starting to creep me out. whatever happened to games, plains, and automobiles?games make you tougher, even if they suck at times. they make you tough, baby. gotta kick your own ass or no one else will.but i have to admit being told you are beautiful is always nice. some model scout spotted me in the club, gave me 2 invitation cards to a modeling event which promotes models. it is supposed to be held next friday, plus 2 more fridays over the next 2 months. i know all this is bullshit anyway, just a bunch of lingo and lines to get people to "think" they are models when indeed they are probably just bimbos paying to be models, but the fact that i got these 2 invites and not all the other girls did gives me an ego boost, i hate to admit. but why not go? maybe i can pretend to be a model too. but if i have to pay money to pretend to be a model, i will decline. no thanks. i am broke, if i am on the runway, i get paid. i used to model when i was a kid, for children's furniture ads and for other photo shoots for this professional photographer in boston. and i got paid. now that's hot.so what?i wish a beauty queen would be my slave.